Looking for some summer reading? Something fun and engaging and maybe a little less than serious? I wrote just the thing!
Being Who You Are
Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to spend time with someone I haven’t seen since the 8th grade. Maggie and I weren’t really ever friends in school but we hung out in the same group. Neither of us knows exactly why we never formed a relationship but frankly, it was probably dumb girl stuff and we were never given the opportunity to do so. Now, through the wonders of Facebook, we have reconnected and frankly, she’s one of the coolest chicks I could ever hope to meet. It’s odd to find someone you used to know (though admittedly not well) and to realize that your lives have taken a series of similar turns and that the end result is that they are quite like you. I have very few people in my life that have taken the same path through life and come out to be like me in personality so when we get together it’s kind of a cosmic explosion and constant talking. Thankfully the Mr is used to this and Maggie’s lovely fiance` could hold his own throughout it all. It was a fantastic day and more so, a little inspiring.
It got me thinking a lot about how my own life is progressing and the relationships (both work and personal) that revolve around me. Personal relationships are pretty great right now. I’ve gotten to a point of maturity that I really only have positive, encouraging, friendly faces around me who are strong enough to tell me if I’m off base without being mean. I feel as though I’ve really turned a serious adult corner in the last couple of years and this has also caused me to clash a little bit with other people (women honestly). At first I couldn’t see the cause, I didn’t get the reaction because I am normally a very likable person who will go out of my way to be friendly but lately, this hasn’t been working so awesome for me. Some days are fantastic, some days I just have to rely on my thick skin and a sense of belief that whatever is being hurled at me is not really about me.
Oddly enough I have a friend who seems to be going through the exact same thing right now and we are enough alike in personality that I have to think that it’s not so much about us but about the people that are circling us. See, I’m a strong ass personality type. When I open my mouth it’s because I have something to say. When I tell you something, I’m 99.999% sure I’m completely right. When I do something and don’t ask for assistance it’s because I don’t need it, not because I’m stubborn (I save all this crap for the Mr.), and frankly, it doesn’t go down so well all the time.
See, I’m a pretty confident woman. I’m secure in my knowledge of what I’m doing, in who I am, what I look like, how I speak, what I think, and my own strength. It wasn’t till recently that I learned that this is a pretty intimidating personality type. Maybe even overbearing at times. This confidence though comes from years upon years of experience, knowledge seeking, and fucking hard work. It’s not like I woke up one day and was a complete badass, no people, I earned that merit badge with blood sweat, and copious tears. Imagine how awkward it is for me to learn that by just being me and doing what comes naturally it is making others uncomfortable. That they are so uncomfortable with me in fact that they must revert to teenage girl tactics to bring me down a notch. It’s incredibly unfortunate and frankly, doesn’t work. See, I’ve been amongst the most ruthless of sharks for way to long to be phased by snippy comments, stupid IM’s, or rude emails. I’ve taken worse from way better.
The problem is thus: I make them uncomfortable by being who I am and achieving excellence which shines a light a little too powerfully on those around me and a lot of people are not ready to be so fully in the spotlight. In this glare they see themselves maybe for the first time in real detail. They cope by demanding me to be less and to conform to their standards so as not to feel uncomfortable anymore. I can not be less even if I tried. My own drum beat is so overpowering that I just can’t hear yours. Looking further at it, I have to admit that it’s a little infuriating that someone would try to make me less of who I am because they have not evolved enough in life to be confident in who they are. Me being me and them being them doesn’t make either of us less. How am I the only one to see that?
So yeah, I’ve been dealing with that and just trying to negotiate a peace where I am doing my thing, working my ass off at it, and hopefully not making them feel bad about themselves in the process.
Then Maggie and her wonderful finance` came over and we chatted for like 8 hours straight. Though I have numerous wonderful successful friends this, I have to admit, was the first time I was a little overwhelmed by a persons success. See, I’ve been around people who make money, people who make ridiculous unheard of amounts of money, and it doesn’t phase me. “Oh, that Bently is yours? Good for you.” Money can be power, and money can buy security, but money can’t buy a lot of things. Mr. Fiance` started out by telling us that he used to work for NASA. Yep. At 27 years old this man is probably going to reach for 6 or 7 brass rings I couldn’t even imagine. He now works for Boeing as an Aeronautical Engineer. Seriously. This is the first time I have been a little intimidated by how awesome a person was. Anyone can make money, not everyone can be a fucking badass Aeronautical Engineer. It totally helped that he was completely awesome, reminded me of my Mr, and almost glowed when he looked at my friend Maggie. Seriously, kudos to you chica, nice catch 
After he left though I thought about how I felt. Yeah, I was seriously impressed (which doesn’t happen often), but what else did I feel? Then I realized, that I probably felt more badass for meeting him (and being a little intimidated of his accomplishments) than anything else. His accomplishments, knowledge, and awesomeness didn’t make me any less in the least. I’d never be able to do his job but it doesn’t make me less of a person or any less accomplished in my life. I believe this should probably be a normal reaction and thus the reaction I’ve received for my own awesomeness isn’t normal, valid, or warranted. With this knowledge in hand I’m going to continue to follow the advice of my lovely friends and family, and keep doing what I do. There’s no need for me to make myself less to make other people more comfortable. It’s not like I’m wearing a flashing neon sign on my back that rotates between flashing “I’M AWESOME” and “YOU OBVIOUSLY SUCK!” My own awesomeness doesn’t make anyone elses’ less so.
It really makes me remember my Unitarian Principles and reminds me to practice them even if others don’t.
- The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
- The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Strigose Cowl Now Available
My strigose cowl is now available! I can’t tell you how beautiful the tests turned out! I’ll just show you!
They turned out so amazingly! Also, I have a new design fresh off the blocking wires!
I have not been blogging so much these past three weeks which I apologize for. I’ve been crazy busy with work and the farm and all sorts of OTHER stuff. I have lots of pictures (goat pictures) to share this weekend and maybe even some news that I’ve been sitting on for a while.
See, things went down about a month ago that I wasn’t really willing or ready to talk about. Life changing news (and not the OMG THIS IS SO AWESOME! kind either). I took some time to look inward and harden my shell a little bit. I’m an odd mix of completely extroverted guarded person. I am free about my happiness and addresses, my embarrassing mistakes, my failures, and triumphs but this was beyond those things. This needed some time to just be and for the Mr and I to recover. It was a sort of phoenix moment and I finally feel as if the wind has picked up and started to blow away the ash of the old and what lays ahead of us, our rebirth, is exciting, terrifying, and brilliant. I know I am the luckiest woman in the world to have such an amazing family, such fantastic friends, the worlds best husband, two dogs that make me laugh and snuggle me when I need it, and a wonderful base of blog readers who don’t know me but leave such fantastically supportive comments.
I love you all.
A Wee Update
My latest design is almost out of test knitting and I’m just so in love with it!
I apologize for the radio silence this past week. Frankly, work has been amazing and even more so, bag sales threw me for a loop. I didn’t expect the popularity of them. I kinda sold out like 4 times. I’m sending out the final orders this weekend and then will be restocking the shop. Things are just crazy right now and I have 12oo pictures of the farm to go through and post. I’ll be more exciting this weekend I promise. For now though, you can look at Willknit4borscht’s amazing version of my Strigose Cowl.
My Bags Again
My grocery bags were featured on The Fat Squirrel Speaks (seriously, the whole vlog cracked me up) and I sold out again. If you are looking for more bags I’ve restocked the store and I’ll be adding a new graphic too (It’s green with a goose!). I just found those sacks in my pile of barn stuff and the Mr was amazing and cut them up for me to sew. You all know what I’ll be doing this weekend! I want to add (since this has already been brought up more than once) if you get your hands on a particular plastic feed bag (say Rabbit Chow) I would totally do a custom bag for you. It would cost the same you’d just have to ship it to me. So yeah. There’s that
In The Land Of Milk & Cheese
I have milk goats so it may not come as a surprise that now that Hannah’s twins are weaned I am milking her. Honestly I didn’t even know where to start. I read my goat book, watched some YouTube videos and went for it. At first I can say I was a little disappointed. Hannah didn’t give us barely any milk for 3 solid days. It was hard not to feel like we’d done something wrong. Then I had the idea that since she was already weaning her babies (by kicking them off or walking away) I figured why not try to separate her from them for a night and see how that goes.
It was the solution!
Hannah is such a sweet good girl. She knows her stuff so she hops right onto the stand, sticks her head through the harness, and we get to business. Milking is really quite easy. Basically you don’t ever yank on the goat for anything but work the milk down through the teat with your fingers. It’s an easy motion and pretty calming.
You keep milking till you she has little or no more milk to give. I always leave a bit in just in case her babies get lucky and catch her unaware. That and there will always be more milk.
In the morning her bag is swelled up like a watermelon & by the time I’m done it’s a raisin. I know, weird. I only am milking Hannah right now because the Mr has too big of hands for her small teats. Our other doe DD will be ready in another month or so and he’ll milk her since she has teats more like a cow.
Hannah is giving me a little over a half gallon a day which is nice because every two days that means I can make cheese if I want to!
Of course I want to!
I was a little intimidated by the process and the information at first but you know what? Making cheese is super damn easy. Basically you sterilize EVERYTHING. Super important but also easy. Then you heat the milk to 85* and add the culture. Let it sit for 45 minutes and then add the rennet. The rennet makes the cheese gel and the amount you add makes the kind of cheese. So for this mix I followed the recipe for Chevre which is a French soft goat cheese. It’s the best starter cheese.
After 12-18 hours of setting the cheese looks like this. I started this cheese before I went to bed and in the morning it was ready for the next step.
Then you ladle the cheese into a sterile cheese cloth. It looks like yogurt before the moisture has drained.
Now you gather up the ends of the cheese cloth and and hang it to drain. This usually takes about 10 hours as well.
After that you are ready to add salt and herbs.
To the first we mixed in some fancy sea salt, some amazing herbs from Penskey’s, and that’s it. It is AMAZING. The first night we added it to plain pasta and just about died from a food-gasim. If you had bought the same plate from a restaurant it would easily have cost you 30 bucks. Seriously. Amazing.
The second batch was easier than the first. I gave the Mr full artistic control over it. He added smoked paprika (because that man loves paprika like no one’s business), chili pepper, and smoked sea salt (we take our salt seriously around here). People. This cheese is to DIE for. It’s so damn good I can’t even explain it. So yeah. We’re cheese makers now. Crazy huh?
We are slowly moving our way forward through cheeses listed in my book and I’ll be sure to document them all here. It’s such a fun amazing process and honestly, I couldn’t be happier!
Some Times It Just Works Out Like It Should
So I’m still not completely ready to talk about what went down 3 weeks ago. I don’t know how to start and frankly, I have to think about all the people involved so for now, we’ll just push that to the back burner for a way future post on “Things happen that are sometimes crappy”.
That said, I don’t want to talk about something crappy, I want to talk about something awesome that happened. I’ve been job hunting for the last 3 weeks which as anyone who’s done this knows is tedious, makes you feel like crap sometimes, and exhausting. People, I have to say this, if you want a bachelors degree for a file clerk you are a jerk. Seriously, not a little jerk, a mega jerk. And maybe more than that. If you are going to pay any employee under 30K a year don’t even bother with the degree because you know what? It’s stupid and I’ll tell you why. A degree does not mean this person has any applicable skills what so ever. It meant they went to college for 4 + years, studied a subject and graduated. At most (if it is not a degree such as IT, accounting, or teaching) they know how to do as they are told and fill out financial aid information. I know that sounds harsh but seriously, college does not teach you how to use the sum function in Excel, it does not teach you how to consolidate reports, it doesn’t teach you how to handle an agent calling you drunk from his bathtub to wax on and on about his mother issues (true story, and it happened to me with multiple agents at multiple times.). It teachers you one subject very well but it does not teach you skills you need to work entry level in an office. Sorry.
OK, dude, I got side tracked, sorry.
So I have worked in the merchant services industry for the last 10 years. It’s what my family does and what we really know. I saw an ad on Craigslist about a position in this industry and I sent in my resume. It was for a job I didn’t want, wouldn’t do, and wouldn’t accept. Why then did I send in an inquiry? Because I had the best mentor in the world who told me the most important thing you can ever do is get your foot in the door. So I sent in my resume with a killer cover letter and got a call the same day. Surprise? I wasn’t. The job is high turn over and they always need people.
I went in and met with the hiring manager for this department. It was in the middle of a call center, it was loud, it was a little obnoxious, and I couldn’t hear. What was worse? The guy didn’t seem interested in hearing what I had to say. He saw (and commented) that I was way over qualified for this minimum wage (plus bonuses) job but he didn’t really know what to do about that. He kept talking about what the job is, the ‘probation period’ and the hours. Finally he asked me the question I’d been waiting for.
“On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the lowest, 10 being the highest, how excited are you about this?”
I was honest (as is in my nature). “About this position? About a 2 on a really good day. About working for this company though? A 10. I’d love to work here and I believe my skills and experience would be an asset.”
He frowned at me and pulled out a post it before writing down “inside sales” along with a ‘?’. People. I don’t do sales. It takes a completely different personality than mine to do sales. Super sales people, people who can sell with out actually SELLING are so amazing. You watch them work, their energy level, their poise and just think, damn. I am not that person. But I said nothing because I knew he was going to transfer me to another manager out of his department. So I met with the next manager who started toward the inside sales department before I stopped him. I told him very honestly that I am not a sales person, I’ve never actually sold anything in my life, and I have no experience/interest in sales. The manager stared at me for a moment with a frown as if he’d been duped so I followed that up by telling him what I was. I am a hard core ops person. I love the operations side of the business. I love the calls, the paperwork, and the process.
The manager now took a real look at my resume (the first I assumed), and frowned again. He too had no idea what to do with me. I was patient though because I am a shark among the minnows. After a considerable silence where he flipped back and forth through the two page resume he looked at me and said that he thought there might be an opening up stairs but wasn’t sure. He was going to talk to the management and see what they said and give me a call later that day.
I drove home feeling pretty pleased with myself. Even if they just kept my resume on file I had just hopped up 3 pay grades in the interview process. I went in for a job I didn’t want, was over qualified for, and wouldn’t do only to get a better interview with another manager. I felt kinda awesome. So I sang along (at full volume) to the greatest hits of the Violent Femms all the way home.
The moment I drove into my driveway and parked my car my phone rang. I was expecting the manager to tell me they didn’t have a position but what I got was the president of the company calling me back for a second interview. Hearing “I can’t believe he let you walk out the door” really is a serious boost to one’s ego.
So today I had the interview with the president & CEO and I landed myself a job. Not only a job, but a job at the salary I expected, doing what I love to do. A job that wasn’t advertised or listed, that wasn’t available and I got it because I kept talking. Because in that brief moment I channeled my father in law and all his greatness and ladder hopped my way into the executives office. I’m proud as punch frankly. I know that I can do the job I was hired for and so much more. My goal is to amaze their socks off and show them what 10 years of hard core experience looks like. I want them to look at me and realize they hired a shark and be pleased with their decision.
I start Monday and I’m pretty stoked. It will be nice to get back into the game.
And before anyone asks about the farm, it will still be here. The extent of the duties include, letting everyone out, milking 1 goat, and putting them away at night. I’ll have to get up early to milk Hannah but it will work and everything will be great. I celebrated today with buying myself a real milk bucket. Yeah, I’m a dork and I’m ok with that.
Look What I Made!
So there are things you learn when you have farm animals. Things that should be intuitive and obvious and really not.
1. You will get over any fear you ever had of poop.
This means you will not even think about poop in your daily life, you will just assume that you have some form of it on you and it’s not a big deal. It’s in your boots, it’s on your jeans, it’s probably under your nails (yeah a few of you just were grossed out) and it’s most definitely on your shirt. That mud your stepping in? Probably mostly poop. Maybe some pee for good measure. It’s just not a big thing after a while and you wash your jeans on Hot in the washer. You also don’t touch your face with your hands, you learn to use your sleeve or shoulder to scratch that itch.
2. Hay gets everywhere.
It’s ridiculous, this stuff is better than velcro. I started wearing overalls the other day (I know, totally not sexy at all) after my pants had fallen down around my knees for the umpteenth time (no belts don’t work for me because I have no actual hips to speak of) and you know what? I gave in. I decided I just didn’t want to deal with pulling up my jeans when I was feeding or running after the animals. I’ve had these overalls ready for almost 6 months and I figured, it’s almost gardening season, what better time to not worry about your pants falling down when your bent over your veggies? So I wore them and they are super handy. They are men’s overalls which meant some tailoring and I have a huge superfluous zipper in front, and I might not be able to wait till the last-minute when I have to pee, but other than that I dig em for around the barn. What I don’t dig? The moment I found that I had a bit of hay in my underwear. Yeah, that was probably too much information but it just goes to show hay gets EVERYWHERE.
3. You will have things that you can’t throw away but can’t recycle either.
Such as bailing twine (which is not twine but plastic) and feed bags. I think they have a recycle program for the feed bags at the farm store but I’m not sure how much of those bags are actually recycled. They are pretty heavy-duty poly plastic so maybe it works out perfect but I’m somehow a little doubtful of the process. It’s like when you find out that all that glass your recycling isn’t good enough to be recycled so it’s crushed and sent to the dump. Yeah, that makes me upset more than just about anything.
SO! I went on a soul-searching journey (for like 2 seconds) and wondered what I could do with my copious empty feed sacks. Then it hit me….I could repurpose them!
I bring to you the Feed Sack Grocery Bag! My bags are thoughtfully constructed so that they are sturdy, easy to carry, just the right size (have you ever seen those stupid too small grocery bags that won’t carry a gallon of milk?! DUMB!) and they are recycled from my very own feed bags. I have sewn them up in a way that they fold completely flat for easy storage and also? They can hold 40LBS of groceries without even a whimper.
Here my lovely assistant demonstrates how the bag isn’t even phased in the lease when it’s holding 20lbs of milk jugs filled with water. I tested it for a greater weight but seriously, who’s shoving 40lbs of groceries into one bag? I know I could easily lift it but I know a lot of other women who can’t. So I think 20lbs is a good weight for the average grocery goer.
Seeming was really important to me. I wanted to make sure that they would hold up and look nice. The feed sacks already have natural box seems so I emphasized those on the sides after I’d cut out and sewn up the bottom. They stand nicely on their own whether filled or empty.
Here it is on my composter which wasn’t the best stage I thought at first, but then, it is a recycled bag on a composter. It kinda goes right?
We are not limited to only chicken feed either! I have goat bags, turkey bags, and general livestock bags. There is something different about the texture of the goat bags. Maybe they are more highly recycled than the other two? They are a little more cloth like than the chicken crumbles.
If you would like your very own bag I have put some up for sale on my etsy shop. They are $3.50 a piece and all proceeds will be dumped back into the animals themselves
Strigose Cowl
I remember back in the day when all I’d post up here would be knitting. Now I post more about the farm than anything else don’t I? Well, what can I say? People love goats (and who can blame them?!) I LOVE GOATS. So yeah, there is a lot of goating going on here. But I do still knit. I think the reason I don’t post as many “I MADE THIS” posts is because I’ve been designing a lot more. It’s a lot more work and slower going when you design something, scribble down a line of pattern, knit a little more, realize that your pattern repeat doesn’t work for the second pass, sigh heavily (and you do) then scribble down some more lines. Oddly as good as I am a knitting math (and I’m really damn good at knitting math) final stitch counts kick my butt so hard. I can work the same numbers 4 different times and come up with 4 different final stitch counts. Yeah, it’s dumb and frustrating. But this project was not. It came together in a breeze (probably because the pattern translated from another already tested pattern quite easily) and frankly, I love it. I have been wearing it non-stop since the Mr and I turned off the heat in the house.
The Strigose Cowl is a nod to my Strigose Shawl! It uses the same slipped/ twisted stitch pattern in two different colors then translates into smooth stockinette for the center in a vibrant pop of color!
I used three skeins of MadelineTosh Sport from the Stash. 1 each of charcoal, mare (which might actually be marine if it wasn’t written wrong because I don’t understand how mare is blue) and citrus. The smooth yarn was beautiful to work with, it’s so tightly spun and bouncy that the cowl is cozy, stretchy, and beautiful.
That Strigose pattern is so mesmerizing!
And that pop of color! I think it just makes it. I’m working on a small cowl version right now that would only use 2 skeins since I think people like the option of using less yarn. This pattern is open for testers right now and I think one of them is actually going to make this in fingering weight because she is a petite thing and infinity scarves are too long for her so I’m excited about that. Think of this pattern in a variegated yarn for the strigose pattern! I can’t wait to see this knit up by other knitters!
I have also started working on a wrap version of the Rough Sea’s Shawl. I don’t have any pictures right now because it is just a blob on the needles but it’s turning out quite wonderfully. It’s knit in a way I haven’t done before and something that makes this a totally new pattern with out just turning my existing stitches into a rectangle. I think it’s really quite special and I can’t wait to get to that pretty lace border with all those nice edges. I’m just about there but, *sigh*, I am charting it out and making adjustments to make sure it fits nicely in pattern. This is my most un-favorite part of the whole process but hopefully I’ll be on track today and this project will be off the needles (and ready to be blocked, photographed and blogged) by the end of next week.
