Matt and I have made a decision, one that might effect our family or it may not.  After over 6 months of popping pills and running tests and charting temps (among other various unmentionables) I am going to stop taking the fertility drugs.  Part of me (and I’m sure Matt too) is sad about this decision, but mostly I feel this is just the right thing to do for our family.  I have not felt like myself in the last 6 months in any way shape or form.  I have had bouts of serious depression followed by serious rage. I’ve become much more cynical and hateful than I would like. So it’s time for me to take a step back and let the obsession subside and get back to the normal life of being incredibly head over heals in love with my husband and enjoying my life. 

I write about this openly (as I have done the entire time) because to many women think that there is something wrong with them when they are not able to conceive. To many women in silence suffer the intense daily pain, sadness and anger. To many women hear the constant “in time”s, “it will come”s, & “god has a plan”s only to become more cynical and hateful. Too few women remember why they are on this road and why they are doing this.  Too few women have support when they decide that enough is enough and it’s time to let nature take it’s course if this is going to happen at all.

I am not a quitter, I have made a conscious decision to stop torturing my mind and body. This may not be the choice for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.

Thankfully I am blessed to have the worlds most amazing baby girl close by, and she has healed my heart enough to know that even if I never have a child of my own it will be ok.