Matt and I have made a decision, one that might effect our family or it may not. After over 6 months of popping pills and running tests and charting temps (among other various unmentionables) I am going to stop taking the fertility drugs. Part of me (and I’m sure Matt too) is sad about this decision, but mostly I feel this is just the right thing to do for our family. I have not felt like myself in the last 6 months in any way shape or form. I have had bouts of serious depression followed by serious rage. I’ve become much more cynical and hateful than I would like. So it’s time for me to take a step back and let the obsession subside and get back to the normal life of being incredibly head over heals in love with my husband and enjoying my life.
I write about this openly (as I have done the entire time) because to many women think that there is something wrong with them when they are not able to conceive. To many women in silence suffer the intense daily pain, sadness and anger. To many women hear the constant “in time”s, “it will come”s, & “god has a plan”s only to become more cynical and hateful. Too few women remember why they are on this road and why they are doing this. Too few women have support when they decide that enough is enough and it’s time to let nature take it’s course if this is going to happen at all.
I am not a quitter, I have made a conscious decision to stop torturing my mind and body. This may not be the choice for everyone, but that doesn’t mean that it’s wrong.
Thankfully I am blessed to have the worlds most amazing baby girl close by, and she has healed my heart enough to know that even if I never have a child of my own it will be ok.
I love you Preita! A long distance hug is all I have to offer (perhaps, you could jump into a pile of yarn and pretend it’s my hug?)
Damn straight, you’re not a quitter. You need to do what is right for you, your husband, and your health.
I simply cannot imagine what you have been, and still are, going through. I am blown away by your courage.
*hugs*
Hey Preita,
I had no idea that you were going through this too. I was on treatment for 2 years for PCOS, I was seeing a specialist in NY that Richard found, who had actually written a book, The Hormonally Vulnerable Woman…it gave me so much hope….all of my other docs said I had a snowballs chance in hell of having a baby, but Dr. Redmond was so encouraging…he never gave up on me…I was expecting to have to go through the clomid and the shots, and I was discouraged my entire life by the human medical community…but I guess I just got lucky and ovulated the first time in my life after stopping a lot of my treatments, as Dr. Redmond instructed. I was on a testoterone blocker and a drug called Byetta as well….If you’d like info on Dr. Redmond let me know…I think it would totally be worth it…I’m sure he’s got some tricks up his sleeves for you.