In our lives there are people who directly or indirectly, consciously, or unconsciously change, mould, shape, and touch our lives. Sometimes these are soft as lovers caresses, sometimes they are slaps across the face, and sometimes they are punches in the (metiphorical) nuts.
I had such grand hopes and dreams for 2008. How this would be the anit-2007, how everything would be diffrent and better and more in control. How I wouldn’t let things bother me and how I would live with out fear. But life, like so many things we mere mortals can not control, doesn’t always recognize our wants, thoughts, or ambitions. Life is like the sea, you are swept up in it, engolfed in it, and thrown on which ever beach it chooses. If it chooses to land you on a beach at all.
My father was incredibly sick in December of 2006. The doctors all seem amazed that he was still living when he came to them as they all stated to him (very caringly I’m sure) that he should have “stroked out” or his “heart should have exploded long ago”. Lovely. They never found out what was wrong with him. Of course all this came as a suprise to him as his original ailment was constipation. After draining a liter of fluid out of his right lung, spinal taps, blood tests (or as my dad says, “feeding the vampires”) and many other what nots, nothing could ever be found to be the cause. Randomly they did find a tumor (which turned out later to be two, or else another one grew since?) on his adrenal gland.
Today as regular screening his doctor informed him that they were going to schedual him for a full body PET scan and surgery to remove the tumors. Now, not 3 months ago they told him that the tumors were nothing to worry about and weren’t growing so I’m wondering what he didn’t tell me as they must be removed soon. Also, they are going to check the scan for lung cancer.
What with my grandmother slowly fading from this plain of existence I don’t know that I can deal with my dad being sick again. I feel like throwing myself a pity party, but honestly, I’m not the only one bad things happen to, and to be completely frank, many more people have it worse than I could ever imagine.
Times like this you have to remember that you are not being singled out, but rather these are the hills and valleys that is life, we can not only have the good, but must experience from time to time the painful. We must not only remember that we are not entitled to anymore than we work for with our own blood sweat and tears, but also that sometimes, no matter how hard we work, it just might not happened as we desire anyways.
I will not say that there is a reason for this beyond the basic chaos that is the universe, I do not believe in any higher being who plays puppet master in our lives. I have often said that if there really was a high power who actually played an active role in determining the lives of everyone on the planet that it would have to be one sick fuck. Enough said.
