There are times when we all decide how honest we are going to be.  Sometimes we don’t feel the need to tell people our biggest failings right? Most of the time usually.  I’m not very good at this.  I always feel as if people can see right through me, like they will know how badly I screwed things up and they are judging me for a liar.  I know, it’s messed up.  So I’m usually pretty frank about my life, the good, the bad, and the omfg that was pretty horrible.

This morning was totally one of the latter.  I woke up and felt a little…off.  I guess that’s the best way I can put it.  Something had clicked while I slept and I woke up feeling frustrated and angry which is never a good combination.  I tried to pick a fight with my husband for no reason, I yelled at the dogs, and finally I decided I must get over myself.  I took a shower and at 8 I decided I was going to take pictures of a new knit design so I can publish the pattern.  I went out where it was sunny and foggy and sparkled with frost on the grass. I took a few pictures and I felt good.  I took a few more and was sure my mood had changed for the better.

Now it’s not a weird thing around these parts to smell smoke.  Lots of my neighbors have wood burning chimneys and there are even days when they all decide to burn their yard rubbish in big piles.  I’ve grown to ignore it. Yeah.  Can you see where this is heading?

I had my camera with me so I decided to put it in the barn while I went to let everyone out for the day. That’s when it hit me.  The smoke that I had been smelling? It was coming from inside my barn.

The barn was a white fog and I was a woman of action.  I don’t even know what I did first but I imagine it was letting the goats out of their stall since it was their door that was smouldering, then the turkeys, then to the other side to let out the geese.  I had enough sense not to panic because I amazingly locked the gate behind me so that the goats wouldn’t bother me in the barn! (Score a point to Preita!).  I dumped the water bucket on the smouldering wood and then got the hose.  I doused it all pretty thoroughly until I was confident that I could take a moment.  There was no open flame so that was a blessing! 

I grabbed the dogs – who I’d let wander the yard while I was off modeling a hand knit – locked them in their crates so I wouldn’t hear them barking and going nuts (which would only add to my growing anxiety).  Then I led the goats and three non-breeding sheep out the side gate to the pasture so they wouldn’t be in my way. 

I then spent the next 2 hours soaking, cleaning, and watching the smouldering wood till finally there was no more smoke.  In this time of course the goats decided to make an escape through a hole in the fence not even a cat could fit through!  I coaxed them in all the while retaining my head – for the most part – and even fixing that gap in the fence. 

So there it is.  My latest most embarrassing failing yet.  It was an accident I know but I grew up with the idea that accidents are always someone’s fault so it’s hard for me to not take full blame for it.  This was my barn, my animals, and yes, my heat lamp.  It was waiting to happen I’m sure.  Lesson learned. 

My point of this is that if I put this out here you may judge me all you like but I am now officially done judging myself.  It happened, I took care of it, I learnt my metal and now I’m moving on.

These are things no one ever tells you when you start a farm…