The most basic & most needed kind of sweater EVER!

In other news I have connected the sleeves of my FIL’s Christmas sweater to the body & am steadily decreasing away at the yoke. Soon (hopefully by Friday) I’ll be done.

Lastly in knitting news I’m test knitting a pair of Elinor’s Mittens which I’m seriously excited about.

In non-knitting news I’m a bit frustrated in my professional life. Frustrated because of how people innately treat each other, how only criticism and negativity are given and how no one can ever let you think that you maybe are doing something right or well (because that might give you a big head ya know).  I get “Remember Preita _____” a lot, which directly translates into “Remember Preita, I think your a dumb ass and even though I’ve never told you about this or can’t properly explain myself I’m going to make you feel bad about it”.  It can be hurtful, but I realize I’ve started doing the same thing that everyone else here does anyways, pull back into my shell, never take a chance on anything, ask stupid questions because it’s expected of us, and just do as I’m told.  No one talks to loudly because undoubtedly someone will tell you your wrong, and if you are truly unlucky you will actually be followed around the office while your mistake is being broad casted to everyone with ears. (Thankfully this last part has never happened to me as I’m sure I would turn pretty nasty on this behavior).

I guess it’s just tiring because no one seems to be able to communicate what they really want or need. One of the problems is the inter-usage of terms that I don’t see as interchangeable. So thus I don’t “get it”. Then there is the continual wishy washy decision making which leaves you with no real decision made and in trouble if you follow their directions, but also in trouble if you don’t.

Some days are better than others, some days are worse.  Sometimes I don’t know how I ever suceeded so well at helping running a business similar to this, and now that I am not even in charge of anything I can’t seem to do anything right.  I now have to triple check all my work to only get one “Remember Preita____”.

It’s just frustrating but honestly, bearable. You just can’t take anything personally, can’t be too friendly with anyone else here, and do just as your told.  It could be a hell of a lot worse that’s for sure, and sometimes a venting of frustrations are needed. I am thankful to be employed though, and I have to at the end of the day remember that.

Poor moral is more contagious than a cold.

"There are better things out there than this"

I tried to take Sue to the groomer today but he ended up biting her (such bad manners) so no grooming for him. Bummer but there’s nothing I can do about it.

 The insurance company has denied my clomid. They now are fully aware that I have fertility issues and have desided not to pay for anymore of this. I had a complete break down about it but am better now. Don’t know where that really leaves me, but we will figure it out.  It hurts so bad to know that statistically speaking fertility treatments have such a poor sucess rate that insurance just flat out refuses to pay for anything related to this condition.

 I have finished my Mr. Greenjeans sweater and love it. I am goign to tak pictures this weekend. New to the needles is the shrug from fitted knits and a lace wrap for my MIL. Christmas knitting is fully underway.

In other happier news, Matt and I spent the weekend up at Pismo Beach. We drove up to Paso Robels and visited some of our favorite wineries. (Ally! The rasberry champange place is GONE! SOLD! *cry*).  Got some great bottles as usual and took some great pictures.  How great is my husband? When my camera battery died mid-trip and he knew that the movers had stolen & packed my charger he found me a best buy & bought me a new one. $39.99 for utter happiness. (usually I’m cheaper than that!).

So I took some good wine shots & what not. Saw the elephant seals up in San Simeon which are always super cool. The big males were out on the beach fighting. Picture two VW Bugs fighting for beach rights. Thats how big they are.

Bought some yarn from the LYS up there. As soon as we find the power plug for the wireless router I will flash the stash I promise!  God I hate moving.

Oh! Got an offer on the house. The former parent company accepted it (they are reimburssing us the mortgage payments till the house sells and paying the diffrence in the mortgage we owe & what they sell it for) so we are going to be free & clear soon. They are taking a total loss on it, but honestly, I couldn’t care. I do miss my house and I did cry when I saw the offer. Guess there’s really no going back & I’m really officially homeless. Oh and people will say “But you are living with your inlaws! you are not truely homeless” & while I’m not on the streets I am homeless, because this is their home & their house. If I wasn’t homeless I could walk naked from my bathroom to my bedroom to get dressed after a shower.

Going to weight watchers tonight. Time to get back on the wagon.  I think I’ve been loosing stress weight but don’t know for sure. I think I look thinner & Matt says so too, but I don’t know for sure. Time to get back to it.

I accepted the job with ICE today. It’s a 10% pay raise from what I am currently earning and it will be a good stradagy to finally split Matt and I up. FTS (our old parent company) used us against each other (like telling my FIL that they would just close down the ohio office & fire both Matt and I if he didn’t do what they wanted him to do) and I never want to live through that again. I think this is a much better route for me anyways, so we will see.

Lots of things going on, I’m finally coming out of my self imposed hiding. I haven’t really been able to deal with my own life since I found out about my infertility and the forced relocation & selling of our house.  Slowly I am able to deal with and be there for people who need and deserve my time. Most days I’m still not me and I know it. That’s probably the hardest part is when you know what you are supposed to be like, but some how can’t muster it.  Breaking down in your FIL’s office over not wanting to work at the new parent company after you’ve already made the decision to take another better job is just not who I am. I am someone who would kick that weepy chicks ass.  The worst part is that normally (not afraid of drugs invented to make you feel better!) I would be on zoloft again just to get back to normal & not weepy. But I can’t. Zoloft + my fertility drugs do not mix. So I would again have to make a choice that I can’t bring myself to make right now.

My dream is to be incredibly filthy rich and do nothing. Seriously, absolutely nothing. I would buy two properties. One in Big Sur California, and one in Montana and rotate between them. I would spend my days drinking tea, hiking, knitting, riding horses, and taking photographs. That would be my life and I would love it.  My dream is to not work but still be comfortable. Now that would be a nice existence.

The reason I bring this up is because I never knew what I wanted to do as a child. Still now, I have no clue, but now I know what I’m good at.   And now it seems that I have two job offers. One where I will continue to work with my father in law and husband, the other where I have an oppertunity to break out on my own and probably make more money while doing it.

Life seems to be zipping by at warp 5, pieces of nasa approved foam flying off and smacking me in the face. I will not lie and say that life is easy right now. I had a complete break down last night to Shawna and my husband, but no one can say it’s not intresting.

Knitting news: I have finished the Clapotis and now it just needs a good block. I have swatched for Matt’s cabled sweater and am going to start the trim of the back tonight. Do I do ribs, seed stitch, garter, linen, or herringbone stitch? GOD! CHOICES! I can’t wait. The yarn is a beautiful shade of blue grey and fine enough to show off good details.

Tonight is knitting group. I’m dragging my MIL along again (I wonder if she minds that I drag her absolutely EVERYWHERE with me?) and I can buy new addi US 7 circs and get back to Mr Greenjeans. Hopefully that is a sweater I will have done by the end of next week.   Computers are almost up & running at home so pictures are coming. I promise!

I have finished my “Socks to relieve moving stress & prevent ulsers!” with the lovely Socks That Rock. This is going to be a favorite yarn for sure. I am totally in love with it.  I think bigger feet call for a more substancial yarn. It’s like putting a flouncy silk shirt on us big girls, it just isn’t right. We need substance that floats away from the body, not draping on it self & on you

SO! tonight! I’m going to be winding my lace weight yarn & doing some simple lace I think. I found a LYS close by that has thursday knitting groups so maybe I can actually be *gasp* SOCIAL!!!! I want to learn how to spin & guess what? They offer classes. Craziness. So yes, tomorrow if I’m up to it I’m going to face my social anxiety & not think about “what if they don’t like me & think I’m fat” (because honestly, even if I know you, I’m wondering this) and knit with people.

Work has been crazy & I’m totally exhausted but we are running & that’s all that matters. Had sushi last night with my inlaws & we all stuffed our faces My SIL’s wedding photographer was actually at the same restaraunt & was W.A.S.T.E.D! OMG She just kept talking and all I could think of was “Man, someone should tell her that her lipstick is smeared” but I didn’t because I don’t think she would have really understood. O_O

So yeah. Tonight I’m finally going to get a new project on the needles & this weekend I think I am in need of some retail therapy. Maybe some good booze too. Life kind of hurts right now. I wish they made an asprin for this But, being the good Finnish woman I am I will smile in public & cry in the bathroom That’s why they make concealer my dears!

 The good thing? Even deep down you always know life gets better.

Who wants to move up to Seattle with me & start a gourmet cheese shop? We can call it “Of Men & Cheese”

I saw 2 sheriffs deputies pull their riffles on a semi at the seediest truck stop on the face of the earth (I had lost matt on the road and there was no cell coverage. Got to love Missiouri)

Ed did not shut the fuck up until 120 miles into our trip. If you have never driven with cats you don’t know that I wanted to gouge out my ears after 10 miles.

I must have an “I love tweekers” sign on my head because I was approached by 3 diffrent crazy tweekers in 3 diffrent states. One wanted me to roll down my window (as she was screaming). Yeah, that’s going to happen. Another one (who happened to be a dirty hippy) asked me for money at a random truck stop. Sorry, when you are munching on a hot dog & drinking a coke I’m not giving you shit. Then when you climb up into a huge van pulling 7! brand new kyiaks I’m not giving you shit.

The truck threatened to die once and the check engine light came on…again…3 days after we just had it fixed.

Sirius radio rocks hard core. I listened to comedy non stop for 3 hours.  I also listened to the republican talk station for 2 hours & agreed with most of what they said (talking about General Patraous).  

We stopped at the home of the 72oz steak in Texas. If you eat it (and the sides in under an hour) it’s free. But, man, that’s a whole lot of steak & it’s a bit gross.

We saw 2 of the “worlds largest crosses” which were HUGE and rediculous.

It rained almost the entire time we drove. Idiana hates me and I hate indiana. It poured so hard that we had to pull off the road for 20 minutes.  Last time I drove through Idiana it was so windy the van kept swaying no matter how hard I tried to control it.

So yeah. Back in California. For now.

That’s George on the left (please use your best spanish accent please ) and Wilber on the right. Both modeling the same scarf but out of diffrent yarns. The one on the left is Hand Maiden and the one on the right is heavy weight Socks that Rock.  The lace pattern is beatiful & was written up by the very talented knitter Kent.

I have almost finished my pair of socks & should be done with those today. Trying to get everything off the needles before the move is good motivation. Plus it’s a huge stress reliever.  Matt and I are leaving friday after work & will probably make it to california by monday night? Tuesday? Depends on if we really push it. The cats are riding in the caliber with me & the snake & the plants will be riding with Matt. This is the second time we have made this drive and actually the animals all did really well.  We are taking the I70 this time instead of the I80 because man, those mountains kicked the trucks BUTT!

Since I am a major dork be prepared to see many pictures like this.

Part of me still can’t believe that after a year of living in ohio and making friends and getting to know extended family better we are going to have to leave.  I still can’t believe that the same company that “needed” us to move out here is now shipping us back. It’s all very weird sometimes and does make me a bit cynical and angry. I’m going to miss my cousin so much!  Being that she’s not quite 20 years older than me it’s amazing that we ever clicked in the first place. I first met her when my aunt took me out to New York to visit. I remember being so enthrawled and awed by Brooklyn that I never wanted to leave. God I really wish I was moving East. But west I go. Back to California.  Back to this

And this.

2 more days and then we are gone. 2 more days till life changes all over again.

 This morning I saved us $600 on car insurance by NOT switching to Gieco. Actually they wanted me to pay $1490 every six months for full coverage on our cars, one which is listed as a “pleasure” vehical because we never use it. I literally laughed in the womans face.  21rst Century actually is charging me LESS for the same coverage in California that I am getting in Ohio. LESS! In a state where everyone has had a hit & run that’s amazing!  Could that have something to do with my stellar old person driving abilities? Could it be due to the fact that after getting 2 speeding tickets the first year of our marriage I threated Matt that he would have to buy me double the ticket price in jewelry if it ever happened again (and it hasn’t!)? YAY who cares?!

This weekend was amazing. Spent saturday night with Rebecca drinking way to much wine & eating great cheese.  Monday Rebecca and I sans Matt went to Puttin Bay off Sandusky.  Man what a fabulous time!!! I drove our golf cart like a mad woman (BRAKES?! WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN BREAKS!!!) and found something quite crazily awesome! A local winery that uses concord grapes brought to the island by the Native Americans. The wine is amazingly good & just sweet enough. Best served ice cold & not taken to seriously! THEN! OMG Worlds Largest Geode. Yes, someone was trying to drill a well & hit a random huge geode!

Rebecca, in the worlds largest geode.

More geodey goodness

For size refrence, you could sit in this depression quite easily.

Local concord grapes make tasty wine!

If I had one of these at my house it would be connected to a crazy straw & I would never get off the couch. God that’s a lot of wine!