I’m not much of a haggler. If there is a price, and it’s too much, I walk away. I don’t like to haggle. Some people do, and they thrive on it, I don’t.  This last week I haggled, not because I thought I had to, but because it just seemed to happen.

That haggling saved me 500 dollars a month in rent. Score one for the home team! So June 1rst we should be moving.

9 months ago our family run company was sold to a major United States Bank.  9 months ago, our former company gave us 2 weeks (can you imagine, 2 full weeks, oh the generosity!) to pack our 3000Sqft house in Ohio and get our butts to California with our jobs intact, but not our minds.  Those 2 weeks broke me.  I was happy in Ohio, happy with living close to my cousin (who has become one of my best friends) and my friends I had made. HAPPY. And in 2 weeks it was suddenly all taken away.

I’m not sure exactly when the sun peaked through.  I know that I had the emotional equivalent of drowning for quite a while.  Life has never hurt that much, and looking back it still brings tears to my eyes, though not because I’m sad, but because, god, life really hurt.  I didn’t know you could feel that way.  But you can, obviously, and left untreated it does end many good lives.  I’m not sure when I decided that “enough is enough” and I was not going to live that way.  I know the pain didn’t last that long in the grand scheme of things, maybe a month? Maybe 2? but it felt like forever. 

Then slowly, like the tide, the hurt started to recede. Slowly the ocean pulled back and I was finally able to breath.  My true self emerged once again, changed maybe, but still me, and pulling myself up by my boot straps, dusting myself off, I resumed my life how I wanted it to be. Life has definitely started getting better and now, I can honestly say I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

I could never have made it through all of this with out the love and support of my family.  I come from a family that, while we love each other as all families fundamentally do, it wasn’t the way in which my husband’s family loves.  My mother in law in particular has a way of reaching deep into the very depths of you and wrapping your heart in love.   My father in law props you up, dusts you off, and pushes you forward.  He asks the hard questions, and forces you to move with the tides, all the while he is there to catch you if you should trip. 

My husband, he’s my savior. my rock, my best friend, my heart and soul.  With out these people especially, (There were others no doubt!)  I wouldn’t have been able to make it. I wouldn’t have been able to find the surface.  I will eternally be grateful that I was allowed to have these amazing people in my life in an absolute time of need.

Last night talking with my mother in law about family and how they are different (even if they don’t think so, I mean come on people, they really love you, unconditionally, no matter what, under any circumstances) and how we are finally all un-circling the wagons. It took us all about 9 months, first it was me & Matt basically getting kicked out of our jobs and our house, then Ally’s had to build an ark just to make it out her front door with her child and husband in tow and finally, we are getting back to normal life.  It really makes you see that family is what really matters. No matter what, they are going to be there.  I’ve also learned that when this family accepts you into their flock they do so completely.  What a new feeling.

A randomly racing heart and strange sharp abdominal pains that don’t seem to be going away, no matter how I ignore them.  I guess it’s probably best that I see a doctor. Sometime, maybe, if I get around to it.  It might also just go away. 

Seems like the tide is going out. Those that know me know that I may be a grump for a while, but I will come back out of my shell. Sometimes you just need to pull back from certain things to regroup. 

All in all, life is fine.  Still kickin it in sock wars.

My target is officially recognized her death. I am inheriting her weapon via fed-ex, only problem? She never started O_O lol well no problem! I will have really pull these socks out of my ass as I’m already being stalked by my next assasin! Knit, knit, knit!!!! Damn I wish I had the yarn!!!

Someone keeps clicking the link from my profile page on ravelry to see this blog. Who are you and why haven’t you friended me on Raverly?

Yesterday I bought my husband a part of his birthday present. Tickets to see Toby Keith and Montgomery Gentry in July. Should be a blast. I hope the seats are as good in person as they are looked online.

The Mr is having a hard time accepting that this is the year he turns the big 30. Honestly, I don’t really see the big deal but he thinks that’s because I’m a puny 25. *insert your own eye roll here* I guess 30 is a big deal for some people.  Age has never mattered to me in the least, and the Mr doesn’t look 30, and he still has all his own hair. What’s the big deal? I really don’t understand it, but then again, I’m not a man.

This purchace is probably one of many leading up to the big day.  The Mr always gets a little jipped (at least in my mind) on his birthday. He never knows what he wants to do or where he wants to go.  This year I’m taking charge & he’s along for the ride.  I’m booking Avila for earlish september (as they are super expcensive in the summer! and I’m not paying 400$ on just a room) and we are bringing the parents with us to celebrate.

“House Keepers Delight” HA!

In other news I finished the sock wars socks. The pattern was boring and it’s total chaos, but the socks are mailed and I’m kinda doubting that my target will mail me her unfinished socks.  I was really excited about this, and even optimistic when others were crapping out. That excitement turned into tears when my husband teased me about it (mistakenly) at 11PM friday night when I still had not received my dossier.  I really loved how people who got their targets were telling the rest of us just to chill. Whatever. I will play till I die or don’t receive my targets socks (which we all know my luck, this lady will probably never send me anything).

In the mean time I’m plugging away on my lace ribbon scarf. I love the yarn I chose and I love the pattern but the Henry’s Attic Prime Alpaca is really slippery to begin with & on the addi’s it takes some concentration not to slip the whole needle right out of the knitting. But I’m making headway. After I get 1 UFO off the needles I’m casting on for Forecast.  I want this sweater for when the Mr & I visit the grand canyon

Also my mantra for the next two months are going to be “NO MORE NEW YARN”.

One last piece of news.  We now have the option of a few diffrent houses to rent. The market has not only tanked the mortgage industry but also the rental market. So 3 bedroom houses that could have gone for 2300 a year ago are now comfortably at 1800-2000. Um, the 2000 is actually a 4 bedroom. if it’s in the foothills we may take it!

Saturday night was the Gold Dust Gala. This is a fund raiser for a charity that helps people who are ill with cancer but do not have insurance or the funds to pay for the treatments to save their lives.  We try to raise enough money so that no one is turned away. No one should die because they can’t afford life saving treatments. NO ONE.

I didn’t get as many pictures as I normally would have for two reason, 1. I was selling raffle tickets (Vangundy & Son’s Jewelry store had donated a 1ct Hearts On Fire diamond pendant & you could buy raffle tickets to win it) & 2. My mother in law told me that I was not allowed to take pictures of Emerson Drive per their contract. *insert sad face here* But I respected that because they were here for a great cause and it’s about saving people’s lives, not about my pictures.

That said…

There is actually a new album coming out this summer I believe, they had just finished it 4 days prior & played for us some of their new tracts. Just getting better with every album!

Their violinist was quite excellent & super smiley! I believe he smiled like this the whole way through the concert. It’s nice to see entertainers that you can tell really love what they do.

There are some bands that sound great on CD, and that’s where they should stay, in the studio.  Emerson Drive is not one of those bands. They sound exactly the same from the stage as they do from my Ipod. I was seriously impressed.  They were patient when the crowd of middle aged sloshed women started acting stupid, and were extremely gracious & humble. I would definitely recommend seeing these guys in concert it’s a great time!

All the band members were very cute men, (short but still cute) I loved that the keyboardist & the drummer made faces at each other all night. We had great seats, right up in front. This was the last song & everyone rushed the stage (not our table) and with all the cameras & phones flashing off my MIL gave me the thumbs up & I snapped a few pictures myself. Only a few because the strobe was way bigger than any of their little power shot cameras and it was DEFINITELY noticed by the band O_O Sorry!

The family & I were lucky enough to be gifted with meet & greet passes to have our picture taken with the band. It was quite neat! I felt like such an extreme dork, what do you say to people you admire & enjoy their work but don’t KNOW?  Try it, it’s a little weird. But they were very humble & quite gracious. After the concert they stayed & signed autographs for EVERYONE who wanted to. How crazy is that? Granted we were not a large venue, but it was quite impressive for a band to do that. 

Megan is much more adventurous than I am. He is wearing one of the Gold Dust Gala hats.

All in all it was a wonderful event. We all had such a lovely time!  Matt, unfortunately, did not get to take his picture with the band because he was recruited early on to do security. He used to do that all the time in high shool and college for big time bands.   That’s what happens when you are a big man I guess

We didn’t end up getting home until about 2am. Afterwards we went out for cocktails with the Vangundy clan and terrorized a poor college student who was waiting on us.  I have to say, My Florist in Ventura would not be on my list of places to go again. Order desert. That’s the only thing that saved that restaurant.  DO NOT order Chips & Salsa. The “Chips” are hardened, baked, overly hot (NOT spicy, just HOT) pieces of baguette and they seem to come with EVERYTHING. These things literally burned the skin off our fingers. Order desert!

That pretty much sums it up. It’s not 9:18PM PST and though the dossiers were supposed to go out yesterday at noon GBT I (and a great many others) still have not received their target. People say “Oh start knitting & stop bitching since we all have the pattern” well I have, and now I have almost finished socks not knowing where to stop knitting.

This was supposed to be fun and I was seirously excited about it, now I’m contemplating backing out. The fact that more than 1/2 the people have received their target, in my opinion, makes an unfair start for a whole lot of people.

I know people will say that I’m being a whiner and a poor sport, but honestly, this is so messed up & convoluted that it’s not fun. How can it be fun when 1/2 the people are left out I wonder?

Just a poor end to an already poor day.

This year has really been a time of change for me. I started down the long road to rid myself of the weight I have gained in the 5 years I’ve been married, I’ve finally settled back down in California and stopped fighting it and hating it.  Instead I have finally started to embrace this state and way of living again.  I do have to say that this is probably one of the most materialistic states in our union and it’s hard not getting caught up in it, but we are managing well I think.  The Mr and I like things, but we are more about the experiences than the things.

Pictographs from Joshua Tree National Park

I started 2008 with so much gusto, ranting on and on about how this year would be so diffrent. Well in not so obvious ways it is.  Finally once more, life is good, we are getting back into the groove of experiencing life on a daily basis again and notfalling into the trap of "Tomorrow". 

Tomorrow is a pretty harmless looking word right? "Just do it tomorrow", "I’ll take care of that tomorrow", "wait until tomorrow".  But every day is yesterday’s tomorrow, every day is one tick down in our lifes clock and what we don’t do and experience today is wasted.  Why do we really put things off until tomorrow?  Usually it’s because some part of us fears what might happen.

I can tell you that there are very few times in my life that I was not afraid of what might happen. One was when I married the Mr. Not all experiences in our life are so cut and dry though, there are the what if’s that creep in, but we must learn to not let them stop us. We must learn to be unafraid to make our own mark on the world. Not just to be a spectator of our own lives but really jump right in there, get our hands dirty and make it what we want it to be.

To go forward for our own happiness and well being regardless of what anyone else thinks or says.  All ambitious dreams were laughed at.  One point in all of our lives someone has scoffed at what we said we really wanted to do.  Unfortunately these scoffs last a lot longer in our lives than the people who first uttered them.   We remember someone laughing or nay-saying, or telling us it’s stupid and we cary this with us where ever we choose to go.

We must remember that the people who scoff us for giving our dreams and hopes voices are themselves just afraid to do the same.  When do you stop letting them influence you? What is the tipping point that drives us full throttle into the creation of our own happiness?

I will give one of my ambitions voice today, will you follow?
I want in the next year to have some of my photography published.
What do you want?

When Matt and I rolled into Joshua Tree National Park we did have reservations at another campsite, but Matt was determined to cruise through a site called “Jumbo Rocks” because he said, “It’s so COOL!” but usually it is packed to the gills with people. Driving through there it was beyond cool. I love when campsites do not change the topography of the terrain and just mold the campsites into them with out disturbing the natural beauty.   We picked out a campsite (actually I did because I hate being near people) and settled in.

Can you see our little red car? Yeah we are smooshed right in between 40-60 foot boulders. It was beyond fantastic!

The Mr and I did almost everything there was to do in Joshua Tree. We did not hike to Ryan’s Adobe (which was fine because the trails though nicely maintained are soft sand and gravel and it’s very hard for someone with unreliable joints such as I have to do more than 1 trail in one day). We did hit up Key’s View though only briefly because there were mass amounts of people there being incredibly stupid and rude to other photographers.

This view was amazing and it also makes me sad. See the film? Yeah, that’s California Smog. Fresh from LA & the Valley. Nice huh? You have to realize also that we are easily over 2 hours from the Valley and this is still pollution,  pollution in a place that has a population we could easily fit in one bus. Think about that when you are driving your Tahoe’s and Expeditions down the road. If your car is newer than 2000 and you don’t get at least 20MPG you should be ashamed of yourself. (I do exclude pickups needed for work or if you are regularly hauling a load, but if you are just going to raise it & cruise down to Burbank on a Saturday night you don’t count).

The Key’s Ranch was amazing! The property was inherited by Joshua Tree National Park right after the Key’s family had all left or passed on and so everything is exactly the way it was left. These people were seriously ingenious! But honestly, who goes out to the desert to farm? & I guess they were actually successful too!  The most fascinating part of the whole thing is how they collected various parts & bits everywhere they could and made anything they needed from them. 

Bolts, bolts everywhere but not a nut in sight. (get your mind out of the gutter!)

How about some other various parts?

One thing you learn about the desert (that I’m sure we all know in the back of our minds but never really think about) is that things don’t fall apart like they do in other climates. Everything left here was at least 30+ years old and though it looked weathered nothing was falling apart.

This is the extent of 30+ years of rust! This would only be a rust STAIN in Minnesota. But this was still smooth to the touch!

Lined up neatly, rusted perfectly.

We had many lizardy friends come visit. Joshua Tree is home to various lizards, birds, the desert tortoise, coyotes, big horn sheep & bugs. Lots of bugs.

Time to shake things up. The old theme was a little distracting I think.