Looking Back and Looking Forward

So it’s almost new years again and I don’t know where the year’s gone.  I’ve done a lot, a lot of crazy things a lot of fun things and a lot of things I never thought I’d do.

So I never really make resolutions because I make enough lists it would make a normal person crazy but this year I’m going to because there are a few things I really want to put some effort into.

1. I’m going to knit down the stash.  I’m going to do my best to knit with yarn only from my stash.  The only exception for this rule will be for designing things such as sweaters.

2. Along with this I’m going to knit down my queue on Ravelry.  Currently it stands at 5 pages and a 176 projects.  It grows faster than I actually knit the projects so I think it’s time to whittle it down a little.  Also this will get me some finished knits that I really want.

3. I’m actually going to work on submitting my writing to get published.  I’ve written a lot this year and it’s had a pretty positive responce so I’m going to go for it.

Things that are not resolutions but that I am just going to do are things like learn how to milk a goat, making cheese, and even working with my shepherd Kodiak to learn how to herd sheep.

The year in review…

We got chickens.

Lots of Chickens….Some which we ate and some which lay eggs…

We got some goats and I fell in love…

We got some gooses…

I started getting eggs from my chickens…

We picked 3 metric tons of blackberries…

I also learned how to can…

We adopted Tank a little brother who has really become a sweet addition to our family…

We rented a ram so we can have lambs this spring…

We added some pygoras to the farm…

We are hoping to expect turkey babies sometime this coming year…

Merry Goat-mas!

We wish you a merry goat-mas…

We wish you a merry goat-mass,

We wish you a merry goat-mass!

And a happy Baaaah year!

It was the night before Christmas and we were dressing up a goat…

 

“What is finer than dressing up a goat in headbands so cheery?”

The only thing better is dressing up a wooly ram…clearly.

The Sugarplum Favor – A New Short Story by Tad Williams

I have to say I am extremely proud and pleased to present an original short Christmas time story by one of my all time favorite authors, Tad Williams.

I know I’ve been a little spotty with the posts but a lot of what I’m doing right now is secret knitting and then just the other day Tank ran into me while I was in the pasture and dislocated my knee!  I am so badass that I put my patella back in place by myself (I’ve dislocated this knee 3 times) and thankfully was able to call my mom (who was in the house) to bring leashes for the dogs, my knee brace, and a shepherd’s crook so I could limp my way home.  So yeah. I’m a gimp right now.  Now without further blathering, I give you The Sugarplum Favor by Tad Williams.

(A post isn’t really a post with out a Christmas tree wearing Charlie goat is it?)

Tad Williams’ new short story collection, A Stark And Wormy Knight, is available now, worldwide, as an ebook, $4.99 (or equivalent) for one month

http://www.amazon.com/Stark-Wormy-Knight-ebook/dp/B006P2QX3U

The following story is unique to this blog and a few others.  Happy Holidays.

 

 

 

THE SUGARPLUM FAVOR

(A Christmas Story)

Tad Williams

 

           

            Danny Mendoza counted his change three times in while the teacher talked about what they were all supposed to bring for the class winter holiday party tomorrow.  It was really a Christmas party, at least in Danny’s class, because that’s what all the kids’ families’ celebrated.  Danny had his party contribution covered.  He had volunteered to bring napkins and paper plates and cups because his family had some left over from his little brother’s birthday party with characters from Gabba Gabba Hey on them.  He’d get teased about that, he knew, but he didn’t want to ask his mother to make something because she was so busy with his little brothers and the baby, and now that Danny’s stepfather Luis had lost his job they had a Money Situation.  Danny could live with a little teasing.

            Danny was going to buy a candy bar for his mother, one of those big ones.  That was going to be his Christmas present to her and Danny knew how much she’d like it — he hadn’t just inherited his small size and nimble fingers from her, he’d got her sweet tooth, too.  And she had just been talking about the Christmas a few years ago when Luis had a good job with the Sanitation Department and he’d brought her a whole box of See’s chocolates.  Danny knew he couldn’t match that, but the last of the money he’d saved up from raking leaves in the neighborhood and walking old Mrs. Rosales’ wheezy little dog should be enough to buy a big old Hershey bar that would make Mama smile.  No, what to get wasn’t a problem.  The thing that had him thinking so hard as he went down the street at a hurried walk, hands shoved deep into his jacket pockets, was whether he dared to get it now or should wait another day.

In Danny’s San Jose neighborhood the Mercado Estrella was like an African water hole, not only a crucial source of nurture but also the haunt of the most fearsome predator in his 3rd grade world.  Any stop at the little market meant he risked running into Hector Villaba, the big, mean fifth-grade kid who haunted Danny’s days and often his nights as well.  Danny couldn’t even begin to guess how much candy and other goodies Hector had stolen from him and the other kids over the years, but it was a lot — Hector was the elementary school’s Public Enemy Number One.  About half the time his victims got shoved around, too, or even hit, and none of the grown-ups ever did anything about it except to tell their humiliated sons they should learn how to fight back.  That was probably because Hector Villaba’s father was a violent, drunken brute who didn’t care what Hector did and everyone in the neighborhood was as scared of him as the kids at school were scared of his son.  The last time someone in the neighborhood had called the police on Hector’s dad, all their windows had been broken while they were at church and their car scratched from one end to another.

            Danny was still trying to make up his mind whether to risk stopping at the market today or wait for better odds tomorrow (when class ended early because of the holiday) when he saw Mrs. Rosales walking Pinto, her little spotted dog.  He almost crossed the street because he knew she’d want to talk to him and he’d spent a lot of time doing that already last week when went to her house to get Pinto nearly every day.  He was too close, though, she’d seen him, and Jesus hated being rude to old people almost as much as he hated it when kids lied, or at least that was what his mama always told him.  Danny wasn’t expecting much from Santa anyway, but if Jesus got upset things would probably be even worse.  He sighed and continued toward her.

            “Look who’s here!” Mrs. Rosales said when she saw him.  “Look, Pinto mi querida, it’s your friend Danny!”  But when he waved and would have passed by she told him, “Hold on a moment, young man, I want to talk to you.”

            He stopped, but he was really worried that Hector and his friends might catch up if he stood around too long.  “Yes, Mrs. Rosales?”

            “I short-changed you the other day.”  She took out a little coin purse.  It took her a long time to get it open with her knobby old fingers.  “I owe you a dollar.”

“Really?”  Danny was astonished.

She pulled out a piece of paper that looked like it had been folded and unfolded a hundred times and handed it to him.  “I know boys need money this time of year!”

            He thanked her, petted Pinto (who growled despite all their time together, because Pinto was a spoiled brat) and hurried toward the market.  Another dollar!  It was like one of those Christmas miracles on a television show – like the Grinch’s heart growing so much it made the x-ray machine go sproing!  This changed everything.  He could not only buy his mom’s present, he could buy something for himself, too.  He briefly considered blowing the whole dollar on a Butterfinger, his very favorite, but he knew hard candies would be a better investment — he could share them with his younger brothers, and it was Christmas-time, after all.  But whatever he got, he didn’t want to wait for tomorrow, not now that he had something to spend on himself.  Danny Mendoza had been candy-starved for days.  Nothing sweeter than the baby’s butterscotch pudding had passed his lips that week, and the pudding hadn’t been by his own choice.  (His baby sister had discovered that if she waved her spoon things flew and splattered, and she liked that new trick a lot.)  If he hurried to the market he should still get there long before Hector and his friends, who had many children to harass and humiliate on their way home.  It was a risk, of course, but with an unexpected dollar in his pocket Danny felt strangely confident.  There had to be such a thing as Christmas luck, didn’t there?  After all, it was a whole holiday about Jesus getting born, and Jesus was kind to everybody.  Although it sure hadn’t seemed like a lucky Christmas when Luis, Danny’s stepfather, had lost his job in the first week of December.  But maybe things were going to get better now — maybe, as his mama sometimes said, the Mendoza family’s luck was going to change.

            He was even more willing to believe in miracles when he saw no sign of Hector  and his friends at the market.  As he walked in Christmas music was playing loudly on the radio, that “Joy to the World” song sung by some smooth television star.  Tia Marisol, the little old lady who ran the place on her own since her husband died, was trying to hang some lights above the cigarettes behind the cash register.  She wasn’t his real aunt, of course.  Everybody in the neighbohood just called her “Tia.”

Oye, little man,” she called when she turned around and saw him.  “How’s your mama?”

            “Fine, Tia Marisol.  I’m getting her a present.”  He made his way past the postres to the long candy rack.  So many colors, so many kinds!  It almost seemed to glow, like in one of those cartoons where children found a treasure-cave.  When Danny was little, it was what he had imagined when the minister at the church talked about Heaven.  The only better thing he had ever seen in his whole life was the huge piñata at one of his school friends’ birthday party, years and years ago.  When the birthday boy knocked the piñata open and candy came showering out and all the kids could jump in and take what they want – that had been amazing.  Like winning a game show on television.  Danny still dreamed about it sometimes.

Danny realized that he was staring like a dummy at the rack of candy when every second the danger that Hector and his friends would arrive kept growing.  He quickly examined the big Hershey bars until he found one with a perfect wrapper, a massive candy bar that looked as if it had been made special for a commercial.  He would have loved to spend more time browsing — how often did he have a whole dollar to spend just on candy? — but he knew time was short, so he grabbed a good-sized handful of hard, sour candies for sucking, took several different colors of candy ropes; then, as worry grew inside him, as uncomfortable as needing to pee, he finally snatched up a handful of bubble gum and ran to the front counter.

            “What’s your hurry, m’hijo?” Tia Marisol asked.

            “Mom needs me,” he said, which he hoped was not enough of a lie to ruin Jesus’ upcoming celebration.  After all, Mom did always need his help, especially by this time in the day when she’d been on her own with the baby and the littlest brother since morning, and had just walked the other brother home from preschool.  He pulled the three dollars worth of much-counted change out of one pocket and mounded it in front of Tia Marisol, then put the Hershey bar and his own handful of candy down beside it before digging out the crumpled dollar Mrs. Rosales had given him.  She slid her glasses a little way down her nose while she looked at it all.

            “Where’d you get so much money, Danny?”

            “Raking lawns.  Taking Mrs. Rosales dog for walks.”

            Tia Marisol smiled, handed him back twenty-three cents, and put everything into a paper bag.  “You’re a good boy.  You and your family have a happy Christmas.  Tell your mama I said hello, would you?”

            “Sure.”  He was already halfway through the door, heart beating.

            The Christmas miracle continued outside: other than a couple of young mothers with strollers and bundled-up babies, and the old men who sat on the bus bench across the street drinking from bottles in paper bags, the area around the store was still clear.  Danny began to walk toward home as fast as he could without running, because he had the bag under his coat now and he didn’t want to melt Mama’s candy bar.  Still, he was almost skipping, he was so happy.  Joy to the world, the Lord is come…!

            Hey, Mendoza,” someone shouted in a hoarse voice.  What’s in the bag, maricon?”

            Danny stopped, frozen for a moment like a cornered animal, but then he began to walk again, faster and faster until he was running.  There was no question whose voice that was.  Pretty much every kid in his school knew it and feared it.

            “Hold up, Mendoza, or I’ll kick your ass good!”  The voice was getting closer.  He could hear the whir of bike tires on the sidewalk coming up behind him fast.  He looked back and saw that Hector Villaba and his big, stupid friends Rojo and Chuy were bearing down on him on their bikes, and in another second or two would ride him down.  He lunged to the side just as Hector stuck out his foot and shoved him, sending Danny crashing into the low wire fence of the house he was passing.  He bounced off and tumbled painfully to the sidewalk as Hector and his gang stopped just a few yards ahead, now blocking the sidewalk that led Danny home.  The hard candies had fallen out of his bag and were scattered across the sidewalk.  He got down on his knees, hurrying to pick them up, doing everything he could to avoid eye contact with Hector and the others, but when he reached for the last one Hector’s big, stupid basketball-shoe was on top of it.  The older boy leaned over and picked it up.  “Jolly Rancher, huh?  Not bad.  Not great, but not bad.”  He waved it in Danny’s face, making him look up from all fours like a dog at its master.  “I asked you what’s in the bag, Mendoza?”

            “Nothing!  It’s for my mama.”

            “For your mama?  Oh, iddn’t dat sweet?”  Hector’s fingers hooked under Danny’s chin and lifted.  Danny didn’t fight — he knew it wasn’t going to help — but he still flinched when he saw Hector’s round, sweaty face so close, the angry, pale yellow-brown eyes.  Hector Villaba even had the beginnings of a real mustache, a hairy smudge on his upper lip.  It was one of the things that made him so scary, one of the reasons why even bigger twelve year olds like Chuy and Rojo let him lead them — a fifth-grader with a mustache!

            “C’mon, open it up,” Hector told him.  “Let’s see what you got for your mama.”  When Danny still didn’t offer up the bag, Hector’s friend Chuy put a foot on Danny’s back and pushed down so hard that Danny had to brace himself to keep from being shoved against the sidewalk.  “I said show me, maricon,” said Hector.  “Chuy gonna break your spine.  He knows karate.”

            Danny handed Hector the bag, biting his lip, determined not to cry.  Hector pulled out the big Hershey Bar.  “Hijole!” he said.  “Look at that!  Something for your mama, shit — you were going to eat that all by yourself.  Not even share none with us.  That’s cold, man.”

            “It is for my mother!  It is!”  Danny pushed up against Chuy’s heavy hiking boot trying to reach the candy bar, which didn’t look anywhere near so huge clamped in Hector Villaba’s plump, dirty fingers.  Chuy took his weight off for a moment, then kicked Danny in the ribs hard enough to make him drop to the concrete and hug himself in pain.

            “If you try any more shit, we’ll hurt you good,” said Hector, laughing as he unwrapped the candy bar.  He tossed a piece to Chuy, then another to Rojo, who grabbed it out of the air and shoved it in his mouth like a starving dog, then licked his fingers.  Hector leaned down and gave Danny another shove, hard enough to crash him against the fence again.  “Don’t you ever try to hide anything from me.  I know where you live, dude.  I’ll come over and slap the bitch out of you and your mama both.”  He pointed to the hard candies still clutched in Danny’s hands.  “Get that other shit, too, yo,” Hector told Rojo, and the big, freckled kid bent Danny’s fingers back until he surrendered it all.

            The Christmas chocolate bar, looking sad and naked with half its foil peeled away, was still clutched in Hector’s hand as he and his friends rode away laughing, sharing the hard candy out of the bag.

            For a while Danny just sat on the cold sidewalk and wished he had a knife or even a gun and he could kill Hector Villaba, even if it made Jesus unhappy for weeks.  At that moment Danny almost felt like he could do it.  The rotten, mean bastard had taken his mom’s present!

            At last Danny wiped his eyes and continued home.  It was starting to get dark and the wind was suddenly cold, which made his scratched-up hands ache.  When he reached the apartment he let himself in, dropped his book bag by the door, then called a greeting to his mama feeding Danny’s baby sister in the kitchen as he hurried on to the bathroom so he could clean up his scratches and tear-stained face and do his best to hide the damage to the knees of his pants before she saw him up close.  It wouldn’t do any good to tell her what had happened – she couldn’t do anything and it would make her very sad.  Danny was used to keeping quiet about what went on between home and school, school and home.

After a while he went out and sat at the table and watched as his mother fed green goop to the baby.  Even her smile for Danny looked tired.  Mama worked so hard to keep them all fed and dressed, hardly ever yelled, and even sang old songs from Mexico for Danny and his brothers when she wasn’t too tired…

And now that cabron Hector had stolen her present, and he didn’t have any money left to get her something else.

 

*

Later that night, when the house was quiet and everyone was asleep, Danny found himself crying again.  It was so unfair!  What had happened to the Christmas luck?  Or did that kind of thing only happen to other kids, other families?

“Please, Jesus,” he prayed quietly.  “I just have to get Mama something for Christmas – something Hector can’t take.  If that’s a miracle, okay – I mean, I know you can’t do them all the time, but if you got one…an extra one…”

 

            *

            Something woke him up – a strange noise in the living room.  For a moment he lay in bed wondering if Santa Claus might have come, but then he remembered it was still three days until Christmas.  Still, he could definitely hear something moving, a kind of quiet fluttery sound.   His brothers were both sprawled in boneless, little-boy sleep across the mattress they shared, so he climbed carefully over them and made his way out to the living room.  At first he saw nothing more unusual than the small Christmas tree on top of the coffee table, but as he stared, his eyes trying to get used to the dark, he saw the tree was…moving?  Yes, moving, the top of the pine wagging like a dog’s tail.

Danny had never heard of a Christmas tree coming to life, not even in a TV movie, and it scared him.  He picked up the tennis racket with the missing strings Luis kept promising to fix, then crawled toward the scraggly tree with its ornaments of foil and cut paper.

            As he got closer he could see that something small was caught in the tree’s topmost branch, trying to fly away but not succeeding.  He could hear its wings beating so fast they almost buzzed.  A bird, trapped in the apartment?  A really big moth?

            Danny looked for one of the baby’s bowls to trap it, then had a better idea and crept to the kitchen cabinet where his mom kept the washed jars.  He picked a big one that had held sandwich spread and slithered commando-style back to the living room.  Whatever the thing was, it was really stuck, tugging and thrashing as it tried to free itself from the pine needles.  He dropped the jar over it and pulled carefully on the branch until the thing could finally get free, then Danny clapped the lid on the jar to keep it from escaping.

            The thing inside the jar went crazy now, flying against the glass, the wings going so fast that it made it hard for him to see for certain what it was.  The strange thing was, it actually looked like a person — a tiny, tiny little person no bigger than a sparrow.  That was crazy.  Danny knew it was crazy.  He knew he had to be dreaming.

            “What are you doing?” the thing said in a tiny, rasping voice.  It didn’t sound happy at all.  “Let me go!”

            Danny was so startled to hear it talk that he nearly dropped the jar.  He held it up to the light coming in from the street lamp to get a better look.  The prisoner in the jar was a little lady — a lady with wings!  A real, honest-to-goodness Christmas miracle!  “Are you…an angel?” he asked.

            “Let me out, young man, and we’ll talk about it.”  She didn’t sound much like an angel.  Actually, she sounded a lot like that scratchy-voiced nanny on that TV show his mama watched sometimes.  Her hair was yellow and kind of wild and sticky-uppy, and she wore a funny little dancing dress.  She was also carrying a bag over her shoulder like Santa did, except that hers wasn’t much bigger than Danny’s thumb .

            “P-Promise you won’t fly away?” he asked this strange small person.  “If I let you out?”

            She had her tiny hands pressed up against the inside of the jar.  She shook her head so hard her little sparkly crown almost fell off.  “Promise.  But hurry up — I don’t like enclosed places.  Honest, it makes me want to scream.  Let me out, please.”

            “Okay.  But no cheating.”  He unscrewed the lid on the jar and slowly turned it over.   The tiny lady rose up, fluttering into the light that streamed through the living room window.

“Oh, that’s so much better,” she said.  “I got stuck in a panoramic Easter egg once, wedged between a frosting bunny and a cardboard flower pot.  Thought I was going to lose my mind.”

“Wow,” he said.  “Who are you?  What are you?”

            She carefully landed on the floor near his knee.  “I’m a sugarplum fairy,” she said.  “Like in that ballet.”

            “Huh?”

            “Never mind.  Look, thanks for getting me loose from that tree.”  She turned herself around trying to look down at herself.  “Rats!  Ripped my skirt.  I hate conifers.”  She turned back to Danny.  “I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just passing through the neighborhood when I felt somebody thinking candy thoughts — real serious candy thoughts.  I mean, it was like someone shouting.  Anyway, that’s what we do, us sugarplum fairies — we handle the candy action, especially at Christmas time.  So I thought I should come and check it out.  Was it you?  Because if it was, you’ve got the fever bad, kid.”  She reached into her bag and produced a lollypop bigger than she was, something that couldn’t possibly have fit in there.  “Here, have one on me.  You look like you need it.”

            “Wow.  Wow!”  He suddenly realized he was talking out loud and dropped his voice, worried that he would wake up his mama and Luis.  He reached out for the lollypop.  “You’re really a fairy.  Do you know Jesus?”

            She shrugged.  “I think he’s in another department.  What’s your name?  It’s Danny, isn’t it?”

            He nodded.  “Yeah.”  It suddenly struck him.  “You know my name…?”

            “I’ve got it all written down somewhere.”  She started riffling through her bag again, then pulled out something that looked like a tiny phone book.  She took out an equally small pair of glasses, opened the book and began reading.  “For some reason you fell off the list here, Danny.  No wonder you’re so desperate — you haven’t had a sugarplum delivery in quite a while!  Well, that at least I can do something about.”  She frowned as she took a pen out of the apparently bottomless bag and made a correction.  “Of course, they may not process the new order until early next year, and I’m not scheduled back in this area until Valentines Day.”  She frowned.  “Doesn’t seem fair…”  A moment later her tiny face brightened.  “Hey, since you saved me from that tree branch I think I’m allowed to give you a wish.  Would you like that?”

            “Really?  A wish?”

“Yes.  I can do that.”

“You’ll give me a wish?  Like magic?  A wish?”

            She frowned again.  “Come on, kid, I know you’ve been shorted on candy the last couple of years but is your blood sugar really that low?  I just very clearly said I will give you a wish.  We’re allowed to when someone helps us out.”

            He was so excited he could barely sit still.  It was a Christmas miracle after all, a real one!  “Could I wish for, like, a million dollars?”  Then even if Luis didn’t find another job for a while, the family would be okay.  More than okay.

            She shook her head.  “Sorry, kid, no.  I only do candy-related wishes.  You want one of those extra big gummy bears?  I hear those are popular this year.  I could bend some rules and get it to you by Christmas.”

            He was tempted — he’d seen an ad on television — but now it was his turn to shake his head.  “Could I just get a big Hershey bar?  One of those extra-big ones?  For my mother?”

            The little woman tilted her head up so she could see him better from where she stood down on the ground.  “Truly?  Is that all you want?  Gee, kid, I could feel the desperation coming off this house like weird off an elf.  You sure you don’t want something a little more…substantial?  A pile of candy, maybe?  A year’s supply of gumdrops or something?  As long as it’s candy-related, I can probably get it done for you, but you better decide quick.”  She pulled quite a large pocket watch on a chain out of her bag, then put on her glasses again.  “After midnight, and I’ve still got half my rounds to go.”  She looked up at him.  “You seem like a nice kid, Danny, and it doesn’t look like you guys are exactly swimming in presents and stuff.  How about a nice pile of candy, assorted types?  Or if you’d rather just concentrate on — what did you say, Hershey Bars? — I could probably arrange a shopping bag of those or something…”

            For a moment his head swam at the prospect of a grocery bag full of giant chocolate bars, more than Hector the Butt-head Villaba could ever dream of having now matter how much he stole…but then another idea came floating up from deep down in Danny’s thoughts – a strange, dark idea.

            “Can you do all kinds of wishes?  Really all kinds?”

            “Yeah, but just one.  And it definitely has to be candy-related.  I’m not a miracle worker or anything.”

            “Okay.  Then  I’ll tell you what I want.”  Danny could suddenly see it all in his imagination, and it was very, very good.

 

            *

            The school holiday party was nice.  Danny and his classmates played games and sang songs and had a snack of fruit and cheese and crackers.  Nobody brought Chips Ahoy cookies, but one of the mothers did indeed bring cupcakes, delicious chocolate ones with silver, green and red sprinkles for Christmas.  There were even enough left over that although Danny had finished his long ago despite making it last as long as possible, he was allowed to take home the last two for his little brothers.  He suspected that the teacher knew his family didn’t have much money, but for this one day it didn’t embarrass him at all.

            After the bell rang Danny followed the other third-graders toward the school gate, holding one cupcake carefully in each hand, his book bag draped over his shoulder.  He was watching his feet so carefully that he didn’t see what made the other children suddenly scatter to either side, but as soon as he heard the voice he knew the reason.

            “Look at that, it’s Maricon Mendoza, yo,” said Hector Villaba.  “What’d you bring us for Christmas, kid?”  Danny looked up.  The mustached monster was sitting astride his bike just a few yards down the sidewalk, flanked by Rojo and Chuy.  “Oh, yeah, dude — cupcakes!” said Hector.  “You remembered our Christmas presents.”  He scooted his bike forward until he stood directly over Danny, then reached out for the cupcakes.  Danny couldn’t help it — he jerked back when Hector tried to take them, even though he knew it would probably earn him another bruising.

            “Punch the little chulo’s face in,” Rojo suggested.             Hector dropped his bike with a clatter.  The other kids from school who had stopped to stare in horrified fascination jumped out of his way as he strode forward and grabbed the cupcakes out of Danny’s hands.  He peeled the paper off one and shoved the whole cupcake in his mouth, then tossed the other to Chuy.  “You two split that,” he said through a mouthful of devil’s food, then turned his attention back to Danny, who was so scared and excited that he felt like electricity was running through him.  “Next time, you better remember to bring one for each of us, Mendoza.  You only bring two, that’s going to get your ass kicked.”

            Danny backed away.  It was hard to look into those yellow-brown eyes and not run crying, let alone keep thinking clearly, but Danny did his best.  He dropped his book bag to the ground and out fell the stringless tennis racket that he had brought from home.  Hector hooted with angry laughter as Danny snatched it up and held it before him as if it was a cross and Hector was a vampire.

            “Que?  You going to try to hit me, little boy?”  Hector laughed again, but he didn’t sound happy.  He didn’t like it when people stood up to him.  “I’ll take that away from you and beat your ass black and blue, Mendoza.”  The bully took a step nearer and held out his hand.  “Give it to me or I’ll break your fingers.”

            “No.”  Danny wasn’t going to step back any farther.  He lifted the racket, waved it around like a baseball bat.  It was old and flimsy, but he had come to school determined today.  “You can’t have it…you fat asshole.”

            Behind Hector, Rojo let out a surprised chortle, but Hector Villaba didn’t think it was funny at all.

            “That’s it,” he said, curling his hands into fists.  “After I kick your ass, I’m gonna rub your face in dog shit.  Then I’m gonna kick your ass again.  You’re gonna spend Christmas in the hospital.”  Without warning, he charged toward Danny.

            Danny stepped to the side and swung the racket as hard as he could, hitting Hector right in the stomach.  With a whoop of surprise and pain Hector bent double, but when he looked up he didn’t look hurt, just really, really mad, his eyes staring like a crazy dog’s eyes.

            “That’s…it.  I’m…going…to…get…you…Mendoza…” he said, then sucked in air and stood up straight, but even as he did so a funny expression crossed his face and he looked down at where he was holding his belly.  Hector’s hands were suddenly full of crackling, cellophane-wrapped hard candies, so many of them that they cascaded over his fingers and onto the ground.  He lifted his hands in disbelief to look and dozens more of the candies slid out of the front of his open jacket — candy bars, too, fun-size and even regular ones, Snickers bars, Mounds, Tootsie Rolls, lollipops, candy canes, even spicy tamarindos.  The other children from the school stared in horrified fascination, guessing that Danny had broken a bag that Hector had been carrying under his coat.  They were so scared of Hector that they didn’t move an inch toward any of the candy that was still slithering out of the big boy’s coat and pooling on the ground at his feet.

            “Oh, man,” one of the other third graders said in a hoarse whisper, “Mendoza’s going to get beat up so bad…!”

            But even more candy was pouring out of Hector’s belly now, as if someone had turned on a candy-faucet, a great river of sweets running out of the place where Danny had knocked him open with his old tennis racket.

            “What the…?”  Then Hector Villaba looked down at himself and began to scream in terror.  Candy was showering out of him faster and faster onto the sidewalk, already piled as high as the cuffs of his pants and still coming.

            “Hijole, dude!”  said Rojo.  “You’re a piñata!”

            Hector looked at him, eyes rolling with fear, then he turned sprinted away down the street squealing like a kindergartner, a flood of candy still pouring from him, Crunch Bars, M&Ms,  (plain and peanut) as well as boxes of gumdrops and wax-wrapped pieces of taffy, all raining onto the street around the bully’s legs and feet, bouncing and rolling.

            Rojo and Chuy watched Hector run for a moment, then turned to stare at Danny with a mixture of apprehension and confusion.  Then turned from him to look at each other, came to some kind of agreement, and threw themselves down on their knees to start scooping up the candy that had fallen out of Hector Villaba.  Within a few seconds the other school kids were all scrambling across the ground beside them, everybody shoveling candy into their pockets as fast as they could.

            Danny waited until he wasn’t breathing so hard, then started for home, following the clear trail of candy that had gushed from Hector Villaba as he ran.  He didn’t bother to pick up everything, since for once in his life he could afford to be selective.  He stuffed one pocket of his jacket with candy for his brothers, then filled the other just with Butterfinger Bars, at least six or seven, but kept walking with his head down until he spotted a nice, big Hershey Bar in good condition which he zipped in his book bag so it would stay safe for his mother.  The rest of the way home he picked up whatever looked interesting and threw it into the book bag too, until by the time he reached home he was staggering with its weight up the apartment building walkway.  For once, Hector Villaba had been the one who had run home crying.

            He didn’t feel sorry for Hector, either, not at all.  Scared as the fifth-grader was now, he would be all right when he reached home.  Danny had made that a part of the wish and the fairy had said she thought it was a good idea.  Jesus didn’t want even mean kids to die from having their guts really fall out, Danny felt pretty sure, so he had done his best not to spoil the Lord’s birthday.  Of course Hector Villaba probably wouldn’t have a very merry Christmas, but Danny had decided that Jesus could probably live with that.

Prepare For Some MORE Goatiness

So jease, another week.  I’ve been terrible at this blogging thing.  Fact is I just don’t have much to say and frankly I’ve been struggling with exhaustion.  So since I’m already tired it seems intuitive that I would be adding to my work load right? HA! Yes apparently because that is what I do.

Here is what I am up to…

1. I designed a new cowl with shaping. It reminds me of the Robin Hood cowls that are all drapy and perfect.

2.  I designed a sweater but am waiting for my model to be free.  Stupid holidays & life getting in the way :P

3. Herman is still making funny faces and jumping all over ewes.  I hope we’ll have some little red lambs this spring!

4. Milk Goats.  I have em.  Well, almost.  We are picking them up next sunday.  I have two girls and a buck because you need a buck and babies for milk goats to have milk!  They are all pure La Manchas and yes, I am going to make cheese.  And maybe butter.

5. It’s been cold here in the mornings which is colder than it was last year but still..it’s December and NO SNOW.

6. I am trying to finish writing up Frankenfine and then I might be back to the real world.  I’ve been lost in the land of farming and writing and now it’s almost Christmas and I don’t know where the time went.  Soon it will be time for reflection and new years resolutions!

A Happy Happy Joy Joy Post

I’ve been a downer and I’m sorry for that.  I wanted to thank you for all your wonderful lovely encouraging comments.  It’s been a little hard to pull myself out of this downward spiral.  Maybe because Christmas is coming, maybe because I’m just super tired, or maybe because I really can’t take one more stupid thing happening.  So in order to get past all that I have some photos that will make you smile.  I giggled my butt off taking these…

Charlie is a super star.  He can’t help it, he just has that charisma that makes everyone fall in love with him.  Now?  he likes to wear things on his head.  Super star x 10.  My cousin Rebecca thinks I should start a separate blog called “Stuff My Goat Wears” which I think might be funny.  I kind of want to go to a party store and buy out their novelty headbands.

Charlie is not the only super star on the farm though…

Herman is our rent-a-ram that we will be buying at the end of this breeding season.  He’s so damn sweet and gentle and a beautiful red the Mr and I don’t want to let him go.  Also?  He’s festive.  This ram let me put on his crazy head band and then just stood there like a champion.  Then!  He struck a few more poses.  He couldn’t have cared LESS about what I was doing as long as it got him a chin scratch.  Dear Herman, I love you.

Aw My Mr. Dude.  He does abide.  You have to admit that anything along with his sweet bunny face is just adorable as can be!

Oops was not so happy about the adornment but I think that’s because it was a little big on him and kept slipping.  In the end Charlie wanted it back and pulled it off everyone’s head until we put it back on him.

And since this went over so well I found another…

Charlie couldn’t smile anymore if he tried!

He loved it so much he wandered off to eat still wearing his tiara. Gotta love a goat that can accessorize!

Herman was not to be left out though.

In the end though I let them all get back to their dignified naked selves.

And Dude was merry!

Mr Wally knows he’ll probably never be subjected to such indignity because he doesn’t even like an ear scratch.  He’s a sweetie face just the same though.

And the geese are always around, yelling at me and tattling on anyone breaking the rules.

The day after the fire I came out to find my little Pygora goat, Count Chocula had passed away in the night.  I cried.  Pretty hard too because I thought I was over the worst bits of my luck.  Apparently not.  I had no idea what had caused this because he had been running around right up till I put them away for the night with out a sign of anything being wrong.  I was devastated but this is livestock first.  I know that sounds terrible, I know you are all frowning at me, but honestly, he wasn’t friendly like Charlie or Oops or Dude.  He didn’t want me anywhere near him and though he was adorable and I loved him he wasn’t a pet.

Then I noticed Dude was acting a little lethargic and Charlie was acting a little weird.  Panic struck that I might have something bigger on my hands that might wipe out my beloved goats.  I called the vet and got Dr Scott out.  Now I love Dr Scott, I totally have a farm crush on him because he’s no nonsense and knows what he’s talking about.  He’s not a dog and cat vet, he’s a big animal vet which means he understands a little better where I’m coming from.  After a quick check of the goats he determined that Charlie was fine but Dude’s rumen was slow.  That means his 4 stomachs weren’t churning his food like they should be.  It’s like a car idling too slow and threatening to stall.  Except in goats this will kill.

We went over everything they’ve gotten into and what they’ve been eating.  My goats are strictly pasture fed with a little bit of grain to enforce training to come when I call.  (Yes, my goats do come when I call, usually better than my dogs do).  They hadn’t gotten an overload of grain or chicken feed or anything.  It made no sense but Dr Scott being as awesome as he is kept asking.  He knew something had happened.

Then I shrugged and was like “My neighbor threw a bunch of apples over the fence yesterday, like a huge amount.” and Dr Scott looked at me, nodded and said “That was it, that’s what happened.”  And that’s what killed my little goat.  My goats have been eating apples all summer with out a problem but the last 2 months? Nothing.  I hadn’t noticed any apples falling off the tree on our side of the property in a while which means that our goats weren’t eating them.  Then the neighbor in his good intentions threw over about 30 apples and my goats being gluttons ate them all up.

Here’s the problem though.  Goats like cows or sheep have rumen which means they have multiple stomachs that digest food that normally wouldn’t be nutritious.  They eat grass and the like and create a base environment in their stomach.  Adding the sudden intake of so many apples created an acid environment and basically poisoned the goats.   This is called Rumenial Acidosis. Now that I had a reason and a diagnosis I felt better (well a little).  Dude was given a dose of rumen starter and is now doing so much better that I think he feels normal and everyone else is fine too.  I just didn’t know.  The goats had been eating apples all summer without an issue but here’s what I didn’t realize.  They had been off apples for about 2 months, then had a gluttony of them.  This is where it went bad.  Apples themselves are fine in moderation but you can’t add anything that produces that much sugar right away.

Now I have to write a kindly letter to my neighbor about this.  I’m dreading it because I don’t see it as his fault but I don’t know if he will think that.  I think he’s fantastic and wonderful but this accident happened and I have to make sure it doesn’t happen again.  I swear, some days you just can’t get a break.

Rest in pease little Chocula, I’m so sorry this happened.

Honesty

There are times when we all decide how honest we are going to be.  Sometimes we don’t feel the need to tell people our biggest failings right? Most of the time usually.  I’m not very good at this.  I always feel as if people can see right through me, like they will know how badly I screwed things up and they are judging me for a liar.  I know, it’s messed up.  So I’m usually pretty frank about my life, the good, the bad, and the omfg that was pretty horrible.

This morning was totally one of the latter.  I woke up and felt a little…off.  I guess that’s the best way I can put it.  Something had clicked while I slept and I woke up feeling frustrated and angry which is never a good combination.  I tried to pick a fight with my husband for no reason, I yelled at the dogs, and finally I decided I must get over myself.  I took a shower and at 8 I decided I was going to take pictures of a new knit design so I can publish the pattern.  I went out where it was sunny and foggy and sparkled with frost on the grass. I took a few pictures and I felt good.  I took a few more and was sure my mood had changed for the better.

Now it’s not a weird thing around these parts to smell smoke.  Lots of my neighbors have wood burning chimneys and there are even days when they all decide to burn their yard rubbish in big piles.  I’ve grown to ignore it. Yeah.  Can you see where this is heading?

I had my camera with me so I decided to put it in the barn while I went to let everyone out for the day. That’s when it hit me.  The smoke that I had been smelling? It was coming from inside my barn.

The barn was a white fog and I was a woman of action.  I don’t even know what I did first but I imagine it was letting the goats out of their stall since it was their door that was smouldering, then the turkeys, then to the other side to let out the geese.  I had enough sense not to panic because I amazingly locked the gate behind me so that the goats wouldn’t bother me in the barn! (Score a point to Preita!).  I dumped the water bucket on the smouldering wood and then got the hose.  I doused it all pretty thoroughly until I was confident that I could take a moment.  There was no open flame so that was a blessing! 

I grabbed the dogs – who I’d let wander the yard while I was off modeling a hand knit – locked them in their crates so I wouldn’t hear them barking and going nuts (which would only add to my growing anxiety).  Then I led the goats and three non-breeding sheep out the side gate to the pasture so they wouldn’t be in my way. 

I then spent the next 2 hours soaking, cleaning, and watching the smouldering wood till finally there was no more smoke.  In this time of course the goats decided to make an escape through a hole in the fence not even a cat could fit through!  I coaxed them in all the while retaining my head – for the most part – and even fixing that gap in the fence. 

So there it is.  My latest most embarrassing failing yet.  It was an accident I know but I grew up with the idea that accidents are always someone’s fault so it’s hard for me to not take full blame for it.  This was my barn, my animals, and yes, my heat lamp.  It was waiting to happen I’m sure.  Lesson learned. 

My point of this is that if I put this out here you may judge me all you like but I am now officially done judging myself.  It happened, I took care of it, I learnt my metal and now I’m moving on.

These are things no one ever tells you when you start a farm…

Oh jease, I’m so behind on blogging.  I know it’s probably been boring around here but I kind of lost my mojo after Minnesota.  I seemed to get behind with one thing and then I was behind on everything.  So here is a mass random update (There will be goats I promise!)

1. Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments on my Ternion Shawl.  I have to say that I was seriously surprised because frankly, I didn’t expect it.  I got a whole bunch of comments on Ravelry and people seem to really like it.  I can only say that I hope this means that Knitty’s winter issue should be badass.  If people actually liked my shawl then the stuff they kept must be amazing.

2. We had one of our very own turkeys for Thanksgiving.  It was amazing beyond words.  This was a bird that I had raised since it was a day old and then it fed my family.  It had the best life a turkey could have.  It got to do pretty much as it wished, eat as much grass and bugs as it could stand, and even mate with the hens should the mood hit.  Remember, just because you buy organic doesn’t mean that bird wasn’t raised with 20,000 other birds in a barn never to see the light of day.  My birds are free range and the more I collect eggs the more birds I might have next year.  So far I’m up to about 26 eggs but none have hatched out yet.

3. The Mr finally bottled his own home made Blackberry wine!  It is amazing.  It actually tastes really wonderful and I have to admit that I had my doubts.  But it is really yummy.  It’s not something that would ever win any snooty awards but it will be all drank to the last drop.  I’m really proud of him.  Now he’s in the middle of making some mead and then there is the quite whispers about a still (for perfume purposes only of course because we are NOT law breakers. HA!)  We totally bought the industrial $70 corker because it is worth every single penny.  Corking is hard otherwise.

He looks so happy doesn’t he?  I know how he feels, I was like that with my jam.  And yes, these are the same blackberries from our property.

4. I knit some socks and they are by far my favorite pair in the longest time.  I have tried to knit these Meida socks by Nancy Bush two pervious times.  It ended in sad too tight socks.  Finally with the right yarn needle combo I came out with these.

Seriously. I absolutely love how these socks feel.  They are Mountain Colors barefoot and I love the yarn SO MUCH! I’m all about having a little mohair in my yarn.  It makes it so much more wooly and wears better I think.

5. Herman the ram.  I can’t remember if I’ve talked about him or not.  If not here we go.  Herman is the ram we are renting to get with some of our ewes.  He’s a beautiful red icelandic mouflon and I love him so much that I’m thinking we will have to buy him.  He’s the most gentle mild mannered fella I’ve ever know.  He’s my husband in sheep form! LOL  And, the ladies are loving him.  Also, he stinks like ass.  Which is a good thing if you are a ram in rut.

I thought he was good natured before but this weekend I bought these festive headbands to embarrass the dogs.  Then I got the crazy idea that these things would fit other animals too…

 Yes, I did put a festive headband on a ram and you know what?  He could have cared LESS.  He snuffled the ladies, asked me for a chin scratch and posed for several pictures.

The goats were not as easy because they want to be RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

You know what I love?  Goats.  I seriously just love them.  I never would have known.  My friends have sheep and alpacas and llamas.  I never knew a single goat.  But you know what?  Goats totally trump all of those animals x a million.  Not only are they sweet as sugar they enjoy your attention, are silly to be silly, and are so damn affectionate.  Also, they let you humiliate them on the internet.

Some even enjoy it. Charlie is a super star after all.  If you met Charlie in person (or in goat if you will), you’d understand.  This goat has charisma to spare.  After this little experiment I kind of…um…want to dress my goats up more.  I know! It’s sick! I KNOW!  But you guys, it was fun and cute and still makes me smile.  This is better for a foul day than any amount of zoloft.  Bummed?  Dress up your goat.  All better!  So yeah.  This might become a thing.  It’s not like I’m going to knit them little fair isle sweaters and leave them out in the pasture like that but a little headband or scarf for pictures?  Yes.

 6. Lastly I met Monica in Portland the other week for coffee and pictures.  She’s such a good sport for letting me harass her with a camera.

 

Ternion Shawl

Another rejection by Knitty which really isn’t a surprise.  I don’t think that I’m ever going to be what Knitty is looking for and I’m ok with that.  So on that note here is the shawl I designed back this summer.  This shawl is available free for a limited time!

This shawl is knit and joined modularity.  It’s quite fun and really interesting to do!  It has just enough to keep you interested while it isn’t too hard that you can’t watch tv at the same time.

I designed this shawl to take full advantage of varigated yarns, self striping yarns, and pooling yarns of doom.  Get your pattern here!  This would also be absolutely amazing with hand spun yarn!

On the smaller shawl I used Malabrigo sock yarn and a skein of Jager matchmaker.  On the larger version I used almost 3 skeins of Noro Silk Garden Sock.

So since I was rejected from Knitty again I’m going to make this shawl available for free for a limited time only.

Make sure to get your pattern soon because this pattern won’t be free forever! :)

A Monster Calls – A Review

When I first sat down this rainy morning after my husband left for work I didn’t expect to finish a book before it was time to let the sheep out into the pasture.  I didn’t expect that one of the books I had bought – based mostly on cover art I’ll admit – in Minnesota would turn out to be so completely fantastic and moving.  See, I’ve been having a rough time with books lately.  I like to push myself outside of what I normally would read.  “Try something different, something smarter Preita,” I’d tell myself and then I’d be disappointed.  Seems as though I’m not really a “smart” reader.  I pick up a book and expect it to entertain me.  Weird I know.

So I combed the racks of Uncle Hugo’s Sci Fi and Fantasy book shop looking for things I hadn’t seen before.  Not as hard as you’d imagine because frankly the selection at most nation wide book super stores is rather limited.  You can go in expecting to find Neil Gaiman, Patrick Rothfuss, Tad Williams, Robbin Hobb, and more other big names.  This is your selection so if you are a fast reader and have already read these you are kind of screwed.  I miss Uncle Hugo’s since I moved out of Minnesota.  It’s a fantastic shop that will surprise you with something new each time.

So I picked up this small little hard cover book with a great graphic cover.  It was an anomaly in size and structure which I appreciate.  After giving the summary a quick read I added it to my small pile of travel books.  unfortunately I did not read this book first.  I picked something else that was going to be my first book of the trip and frankly, I can’t even now after 3 weeks of having finished it, tell you if I really liked it.

A Monster Calls is unlike anything I have ever bought.  Not only is it a short 200 some odd pages but it’s fully illustrated with beautiful graphic black and white images that are just stunning.  This book has brought back what books once were.  I couldn’t help while reading A Monster Calls to think about how this very practice would enhance just about every book I’ve ever read.  The effect is stunning and moving.  It brings more than just words, it evokes emotions in you on a deeper level.  The illustrator was perfectly paired with the author and together they made one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read.

In A Monster Calls you follow Collin, a young man who’s mother is fighting a losing battle with cancer.  In the midst of this heart break a yew tree transforms into a gigantic monster to tell Collin three tales, each beautiful and heart breaking in their own way.  In the end Collin tells the monster his own tale and we find out why the monster actually came to call.

The reader should not be distracted by the size of this book, though small it has packed a serious punch and Patrick Ness is a true artist in every sense of the word.  He has created a tale that is endearing to the reader, unpredictable, original, and marvelously captivating.  A Monster Calls is a true gem, it’s just truly a beautiful tale that I think everyone should read.  I think it’s probably every authors ambition to create a story that hits the reader so deep.  Bravo to Mr. Ness for bringing such an amazing tale into the world.

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